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Joke of the Day

"What happens when the president of the United States has to use the bathroom? The state of alert in the White House rises to Defecate 2."

"1) Lick tip. 2) Stick it in gently. 3) Pump 12-20 times. 4) Sweat profusely. 5) Pull out gently. -Instructions on inflating a basketball."

"Parents My father was a dentist and my mother was a manicurist. For most of their married life they fought tooth and nail."

"No autocorrect, I don't want to bang a bunch of hot chimps."

"The ghost teacher was showing her class how to walk through walls. ""Now did all of you understand that?"" she asked. ""If not, I'll just go through it again."""

"What's meaner than a pitbull with herpes? The guy who gave it to the pitbull."

"What do you call a trucker that doesn't drive anymore? Semi-retired."

"Black people are human beings."

"I haven't pooped in a couple weeks I'm not constipated, I'm just procrapstinating"

"Call me maybe by Carly Rae Jepson is possibly the catchiest song I've ever heard lol"