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Joke of the Day

"*climbs into windowless van* *puts on ""Free Hugs"" t-shirt* *heads out to make new friends* *fails* *waits for lawyer in windowless room*"

"The power went out. At the gigafactory."

"Her: OMG! You didn't feed my cat while I was away? Me: Do you remember that time you didn't harvest my crops on FarmVille? Now we're even."

"What does a polite pirate say? Chivalry-Timbers!"

"I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym... I guess we just weren't working out."

"I'm sorry, you can't check your disobedient child on this flight. Guess you'll have to carry on your wayward son"

"I believe in you. I also believe in dragons, so don't get too excited."

"In Soviet Russia, tired joke format tweets YOU."

"My washing machine is racist.. It only likes whites with whites and colors w colors.."

"What did the pirate say when he turned 80? Arrr Matey!"