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Joke of the Day

"Why are there so many piggy banks? Pigs don't like to hide their money in the mattress."

"Girlfriend kept nagging at me to put the toilet seat down. So here I am, crying in the middle of a field, with the seat & a shotgun."

"[at the hunting store] Me: where's the camo gear? Clerk [winks]: exactly"

"Because Nickleback sucks too.... So Avril Lavigne is Married to a fellow Canadian, who is a band member of Nickleback.... Apparently Canada does not have laws against same suck marriage. ba dump bump!"

"What would MLK be if he was alive? White"

"DATING TIP: Any time someone is hot and you're too scared to approach them, remind yourself that they've probably had diarrhea at some point"

"My girlfriend told me I was one in a million When I looked through her text messages, I had to admit she was right."

"DJ Daemon maintains the beats in the background."

"It was mealtime on an airplane... ...and the flight attendant asked a passenger if he would like some dinner. ""What are my choices?"" he asked. ""Yes or no,"" she replied."

"The best way to tell if a movie character is depressed is if there are a bunch of open chinese food containers sitting around"