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Joke of the Day

"Oh no! The universe just imploded itself...... ...... No matter."

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"What's the Syrian girl doing on the swing? Pissing off the sniper"
"My doctor told me to avoid trans fats. I'm really gonna miss tumblr."
"The U.S. if Trump wins"
"What do you call someone who finishes a sentence with you? Partner in crime."
"Why do black's have white skin on the bottom of their feet and the palm of their hands? Everyone needs a little bit of good inside them."
"Jesus take the wheel...let the clutch out easy [car dies] Wow, water to wine but no manual transmission Jesus: Don't test my mercy"
"What was David Bowie's last hit? Probably Morphine"
"[Family Dinner] Me: Grandma, please pass the updog. Sister: *Pinches bridge of her nose* Grandma: What's updog? Me: Not much, how about you?"
"What's the Mexican version of the Klan? Que Que Que"