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Joke of the Day

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Until they kicked me out of the library"

"WIFE: Can you send these party invites out? ME: Sure *throws them out window* WIFE: Did you- ME: If they're meant to come, they'll come."

"People that are stoned shouldn't throw glass houses."

"Whenever I meet a pretty girl, the first thing I look for is intelligence... ...because if she doesn't have that, then she's mine."

"Why did the cab driver did not get time for his family? Because he was Uber busy."

"What is Eminem made of? He is made of Mathers"

"A nice pick-up line I made up Hey are you from Brazil? Because I'm trying to score with you seven times."

"How many metal drummers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? one, but it takes 32 lightbulbs."

"I remember last year... It's like it was yesterday."

"A man with goat legs and horns walks into a bar... It's only Satyr"