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Joke of the Day

"ME: these gummy bears are delicious WIFE: those are daily vitamins ME: *holding the couch over my head with one arm* I can't find the remote"

"94% of women will preface their parallel parking with, ""I suck at parallel parking."""

"How are bears related to cooking? The pan... duh"

"A blonde leans against a tree and the tree collapses... The cleverer give in."

"TIFU side down while on vacation in Australia. Oops - wrong sub..."

"Fred Willard got arrested for jerking off in a porn theater. Well, at least he can honestly say his newest release is in theaters now!"

"What did the farmer say to Lil Jon? Turnip for what"

"knock knock YOU: who's there ME: I eat mop YOU:______"

"How many Australians have been killed by Ebola? Just one, Phillip Hughes"

"I bet you're the asshole that says ""we"" when talking about your favorite sports team like you're on the actual roster."