178631

Joke of the Day

"The worst part about breaking up right before Halloween is now I have to explain at every party why I'm dressed as half of a horse."

"I like my women like I like my coffee: All over my lap while I'm driving."

"How do you find the richest man in Mexico Throw a penny and see who catches it"

"There's a fat man in a schoolyard. A mother approaches him and asks: ""Are you waiting for a child?"" So he replies: ""No, I'm just fat"""

"The longer a Facebook photo of someone's kid goes unliked, the stronger I become."

"Have to take my son to speech therapy.. Easier done than said"

"When the wife and kids go on vacation, I always keep the neighbors on edge by placing rectangular mounds of dirt throughout the yard."

"DOCTOR: We were all out of blood for your transfusion so we used Mountain Dew ME: [I don't hear bc I already snowboarded out the window]"

"Did you hear about the snobby cow? She thought she was a cutlet above the rest!"

"""What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!"" -anyone dating Taylor Swift"