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Joke of the Day

"An Irish man walks into a bar. ."

"Which famous pop duo were the best at delivering cereal? Haulin' Oates"

"I am upset with my parents for making me exist. u just decided to make a person one day? who's gonna pay my bills? me? I didn't ask for this"

"I'm good at self deprecation, But I used to be better."

"At grandma's. Which means this morning I woke up at 8:45am and was still greeted with, ""Look who's finally up. We thought you were dead!"""

"I'd like to return this pack of gum. They taste awful. ""Sir, those are Band-Aids."" Oh, I'd like to return these Band-Aids. Someone ate some."

"Why are Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that isn't at least 10% off"

"I quit my job working for Nike. Just couldn't do it anymore."

"One day, you wake up and everyone has a number over their heads. The number is counting down by the second. Eventually, someone's number reaches zero, and.... They sneeze. Their number resets."

"An Ohio judge ruled gay marriage legal, as long as the person is dead, proving that the slippery slope now includes gay necrophila."