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Joke of the Day

"I bet aliens would visit us more if Will Smith didn't punch them in the head as soon as they got here."

"I want a relationship like from Up. She dies and I get a flying house."

"What do Canadian squirrels eat? Eh-corns."

"Polish Ice Hockey tragedy The whole team drowned during spring training"

"Why are all of the accountants supporting Hillary Clinton? They want to save 20%."

"Don't spend too much on toilet paper It's all for shit, anyway."

"Hard to tell if the walmart cashier was mad about me having more than 20 items, or if he just hated his life."

"What do you call a short Native American programmer? A Little Endian -I'll get the door."

"I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now."

"If you had a terrible childhood, you'll be super-bummed out by Bank of America's options for security questions."