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Joke of the Day

"""My uncle is a dead person guy"". Me last night when I couldn't think of the word mortician"

"I like my woman like I like my font Bold, black, and size 14."

"I'm a big fan of 50 cent Or as he's known in Zimbabwe, 10 billion dollars"

"Recently, 218 Italian MPs signed a bipartisan bill for the legalization of marijuana...[x-post from r/trees] They're basically in joint support, for *joint* support. I'll show myself out."

"So proton calls up electron and says, ""Electron! It's proton, where the hell are you?"" And electron says, ""Um, I don't know. But I can tell you were I probably am!"""

"What's the difference between a Pakistani wedding party and an Al-Qaeda training camp? Dunno, I just fly the drone."

"What is the Italian postal motto? We know where **you** live, your family too!"

"Me: What happened to all the bourbon? Her: Oh, I put it in the chicken. Me: Then pour me a glass of chicken."

"Whenever I have a panic attack I put a paper bag over my mouth & once I'm done drinking the alcohol inside I feel a lot better."

"I thought about being a mortician On one hand people are dying to get into that field but i hear its dead end job"