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Joke of the Day

"Google Search: -is my toaster broken -can fire ants make toast -bathtub fire, small -house fire, how to stop -is house fire toast a thing?"

"Why did the hipster burn the roof of his mouth? He ate his pizza before it was cool. (Written anonymously in the bathroom at work, a pizza joint.)"

"Knock-knock... ""Knock-knock"" ""Who's there?"" ""Control Freak - now you say 'Control Freak who?'"" :)"

"Today i asked the hot girl at my gym what her New Year's resolution was. She said ""fuck you"". So i'm pretty excited about 2017."

"How do al-Qaeda like their toast? Bean-laden"

"I was sorting out my loose change when I dropped a 1p coin and saw it roll into a drain, which everyone around me thought was hilarious. Laughing at my ex-pence."

"What's large, grey, and doesn't matter? An irrelephant."

"Step 1: Get underwear with the Millennium Falcon on the butt. Step 2: Have the fastest hunk of junk in the trunk in the galaxy."

"Life Before sex, you help each other get naked. After sex, you dress only yourself. Moral: In life, no one helps you once you're fucked!"

"What do you call a kitten crying on the grass in the back yard? A lawn mewer. (I wrote this yesterday)."