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Joke of the Day

"To whomever stole my copy of Microsoft Office: I will find you... You have my Word."

"no no no today isnt CASUAL friday, its CAUSAL friday. evrythimg u do today has a effect. for example: johnson why r u wearing jeans ur fired"

"[yelling to the person i'm dancing with at the club] I HAVE SLEEP APNEA"

"What kind of fish is made of just two atoms? 2 Na"

"The only thing scarier than getting a call from an unknown number, is when that number doesn't leave a voicemail."

"Why couldn't Pinocchio get a date on craigslist because everyone wanted ""no strings attatched"""

"Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake. Woohoo! I'm making these up!!"

"God, the Atheists are coming! God: ""Tell them I'm not around!"""

"What are the best white people jokes you have?"

"Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets."