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Joke of the Day

"The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes."

"My toddler fell, smashed his face into the cement, then played it off like he was giving the ground a kiss. No DNA test necessary."

"What is the best way to manage a full inbox? Hillary Clinton"

"*boss stops meeting* Mike, is there something you'ld like to share with the whole group? Me: Nooooo, that's why I whispered it to Alan."

"11 million Americans spend half their income on steam ... In June."

"There was an accident front of our house yesterday. A man completely lost his entire left side. Luckily the doctors Said he would be alright."

"Nobody claims to like cancer when they're first diagonosed But after a while, it tends to grow on you."

"Not sure if i should be proud of this or not, but our employee handbook had 37 new rules added since i started working here."

"me: just tell me I don't die in an Arby's bathroom stall Death: [sadly looking up from his book] look, what matters is how you lived"

"Music Joke Nobody could find Beethoven's teacher because he is Haydn."