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Joke of the Day

"Nice guys don't finish last.. They finish alone in the shower."

"Nephew: What's love? Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!"

"Inception (2010) - Five men and one woman plot to nap on a plane."

"Q: How many Executive Producers does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Executive Producers don't screw in a light bulb they screw in a hot tub."

"I told my son I was an early adopter. He asked, what tech? Then it got weird."

"I was telling this chick how I almost died during childbirth and she asked me when I'm having another one. I SAID I ALMOST DIED, CRAZY LADY."

"Don't you hate it, when you offer someone help and the other person says yes"

"Any dance can be a no pants dance. In fact, might be a fun way to bring back the Macarena"

"Everyone's inner douche comes out when naming their wifi network."

"Me - That's the second First Baptist Church I've seen today. Wife - OK? M - One of them is lying. W - You can't ever shut it off can you?"