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Joke of the Day
"'You look fat' is both an ice-breaker and a bone-breaker"
Next Joke
"The teachers could tell my wife & I were embarrassed by our son's grades when we showed up to conferences with paper bags on our heads."
"Sent out a mass text invite to my pity party & Autocorrect turned it into a pita party. Now I'm eating hummus with people I don't even like."
"What does a hippy tell you when you ask them to leave? Namaste"
"Me to 4 yr old niece: your shoes are on the wrong feet Niece looks down and says: I don't have any other feet Outsmarted again."
"Q: What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business? 1. No mind 2. No business."
"There are 4 gay guys in a bar and only one bar stool, how do they all sit down? They turn the stool up side down"
"Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don't get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case..."
"This could just be the coffee talking but AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH *lights car on fire*"
"After thinking about how bad the average person is at math I've realized that about 75% of people are worse."