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Joke of the Day

"What did the string say to the harp? No, you're a lyre!"

"If a guy spread rose petals all over my apartment, I would literally look at him and just be like: ""I'm not picking this up."""

"The Klondike Bar found out what I did for it, and now it's blackmailing me."

"[A pair of crocs sitting on a riverbank] Why do you think people hate us so much? ""Idk. I blame the idiots who wear us with socks."""

"I'll admit that the Chinese kids in math class are pretty smart... But doing it with their eyes closed... that's a bit cocky."

"If I went house hunting I'd take a really big gun."

"Older son just taught me something that I didn't know. Apparently, the seat behind ""shotgun"" is known as ""Kurt Cobain."""

"The Coal Industry... ... has come under fire lately."

"Ever wonder if you killed that one really important brain cell?"

"You might be from Mexico but I'm sure I've eaten more Mexican food than you."