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Joke of the Day

"I WANT TO LIVE! Patient:""Docter, I have only 30 seconds to live!"" Doctor:""I'll be with you in a minute."""

"*wakes up in hospital* What happened? ""It was a heart attack"" Will I be ok? *a big heart outside slowly taps on window with a bat* ""No"""

"Forrest Gump came out 20 years ago. Can you believe that?! Of course you can because you're not an idiot who doesn't know how time works."

"A ghost floats into a bar... The bartender says: 'What'll it be, spirits?"

"Are you russian? No, I'm not in a hurry."

"What spice do you find in hell? SINammon (Sorry)"

"Wanna see an asshole wrapped in plastic? Yeah? Ok, let me see your driver's license. (My buddy's grandpa told me this back in high school the first time I met him.)"

"My actual wife and my twitter wife are talking via Kik. I will be camping in the woods forever if you need me."

"I need to buy a new inflatable love doll. The one I have now is almost full."

"Why don't nuns fear getting raped? Because they know it is tough to get into the habit."