14004

Joke of the Day

"Everyone had heard of the Ronald McDonald house for abused children..... Now they're opening the tempura house for lightly battered women."

"What do you call a rabbi with heart burn? Acidic Jew"

"What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree? Camembert!"

"At Twitter HQ J: Users haven't complained in a while, what's going on? Devs: Oh, we've got just the thing *releases update"

"Why do girls... Hang out in odd numbers? Because they can't even!"

"*seductively boils hot dog* *suggestively unscrews ketchup bottle* *alluringly toasts bun* *erotically describes this in between asterisks*"

"Clowns terrorizing the streets. A real life billionaire villain running for president. We need Batman more than ever."

"Friend: [rubs my shoulder] Aw, honey, your life isn't over. It's just beginning! Me: *sobs even harder"

"What does a landmine field and my pet friendly apartment complex have in common? It doesn't matter where you step, shit is about to happen"

"Why do vultures find it easy to fly? They only ever have carrion baggage."