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Joke of the Day
"How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Shoot him."
Next Joke
"What does a Mexican use to cut pizza with? Little Caesars!"
"wife: [crying] ""he always calls me weird pet names"" therapist: ""what do you mean?"" me: [arriving late] ""what's wrong my little hovercraft?"""
"I hate when people look at me and proclaim ""well look what the cat dragged in"". Do I look like a dead bird, small rodent, or used tampon?"
"I am a recovering addict... I was addicted to the hokey pokey... But I turned myself around."
"""If anyone has any objections, speak now or- SHES LITERALLY A BANANA Groom: IS THIS TRUE EMMA? Best man: I f'kin KNEW she bruised too easily"
"You're born, you grow up, you start listening to a Pink Floyd song, you get married, have kids, you die, the song hasn't finished."
"I would. What kind of idiot would put the punchline in the title?"
"Why was the guitar teacher arrested? Because he fingered a minor."
"What happens if you see twin witches? You won't be able to tell witch witch is witch."