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Joke of the Day

"I have a sweet parking spot at Target. I'm just going to sit here for the next 10 minutes with my reverse lights on, pissing people off."

"My dad's TV volume is always set at ""f*ck the neighbors""."

"I once worked in a pathology lab... ...but I was asked to leave after one of my reports said ""cause of death: autopsy:"""

"having sex w/ a girl who has multiple personalities would be awesome unless one of those personalities was hitler"

"TIFU by quitting my job as a train driver and downing a bottle of ketchup. I went off the rails and straight on the sauce."

"What makes an ink joke so funny? The plot."

"My friends told me we were going for a ride and I called ""Shotgun""... ... they did'nt tell me we we're actually going for a drive-by. FML :("

"Congrats to everyone who just got cast in the new Star Wars movie. The film industry is telling you they think you look like an alien."

"So I encountered my friend with a penguin next to him.. So I said to my friend: ""You should take that penguin to the zoo"" So he responds: ""I already did that, but he didn't like it"""

"TEXT ""TEXT"" TO TEXT TO DONATE A TEXT TO TEXT"