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Joke of the Day

"Why did the emoji fly to Syria? It wanted to become an Emojihad!"

"[Me flirting with a twenty something] Him: When last did you get lit? Me: This morning. It was really sunny so I was well illuminated."

"What does an elephant use for a tampon? A sheep."

"*tries to wave goodbye to the genie without spilling my 3 giant milkshakes*"

"My wife is a magician She turned our car into a tree."

"A black man walks into a bar his cell door was still closed."

"Professor X can move anything with his mind... except his legs."

"When I was a kid, we were so poor... If I didn't wake up with a boner on Christmas, I wouldn't have anything to play with."

"Barista: Name? Me: Lotta Sexhaver *wink* *Time passes* Barista: Got a latte for Virgin McLiar"

"without a doubt my least favourite thing about being alive is having a body, hate taking care of this hunk of shit"