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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Mustard that keeps remembering things that haven't happened yet? dijon-vu mustard... (Sorry)"

"Where do birds invest their money ? In the stork market !"

"I was telling people about my Mona Lisa joke... but I wasn't getting much of a smile about it."

"What do you say to your girlfriend with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice."

"What the hell is Minecraft? Hitler's lesser known, second, book about his love of knitting."

"livin la vida broka"

"People out there are trying to contact the dead and you're telling me you can't text back?"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean."

"Non-technical people, here's a secret. We tech folks have no idea what the problem is. We just try to narrow it down, removing variables."

"Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad to be alive? I just did and I won't be allowed on this airline again"