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Joke of the Day

"Why are you so fat? Because I eat a lot of pussy"

"I accidentally killed another cactus & now one of my plants is trying to grow towards the phone to call 911."

"Nothing makes me turn off my car and start leisurely tweeting faster than someone honking at me to pull out of a parking space."

"What did the waiter say to the customer complaining about a dirty bowl? This is unacceptable."

"(from my 8 year old) What do you call a Mexican chicken giving directions? Arrows con Pollo"

"When you look at Twitter's trending topics, it's a lot easier to understand why they have to write ""Do Not Eat"" on silica gel packets."

"911 what is your emergency? Me: ""My 6 year old hasn't stopped talking since he got home"" 911: ""stay calm ma.. Me: MY EARS ARE BLEEDING"

"What did the 11 year old junior paleontologist and 50-cent music lover with cancer receive from the one wish foundation? A Rap Tour"

"Finally, you get a cab. The driver is a golden retriever. You hop in and hope for the best"

"There was a man who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, hoping that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did."