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Joke of the Day

"wife: That guy is texting and driving! That is so dangerous! me [holding a donut in each hand and steering with my knee]: So dangerous"

"I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something."

"It takes many nails to build a crib... ...but only one screw to fill it."

"Hate when the cop is like, ""Sir, have you been petting kittens?"" and I say, ""I petted a few..."" as I open the car door and kittens spill out"

"Does a farmer eat female sheep? Ewe, no."

"Osama Bin Laden tried his hand as a movie reviewer before settling on global terrorism... Unfortunately, he always gave films the same rating: 9/11."

"How does Bruce Wayne's mom call Bruce in for dinner... She can't she's dead"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 is a registered six offender! Badum dum tiss"

"The best dad jokes are the ones you'll never hear... ...the black ones."

"One of the funniest vampire jokes ever! Never mind, it sucks."