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Joke of the Day

"Jimmy, your composition ""My Dog"" is the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? No, sir. It's the same dog."

"How many police officers does it take to screw in a light bulb None, they just beat the room for being black."

"What's the difference between a four year old and a bag of cocaine? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of cocaine fall out a window."

"The awkward moment when Lady Gaga has no idea what to wear for halloween."

"I can never be a fan of Negative People... Squarely rooting for them is simply... Imaginary."

"I tried S/M once, and ended up with a dominatrix who was unusually cruel. Instead of using a whip she would make me do fractions in my head."

"""did you hear the one about the grizzly who-"" dude stop ""it's just a joke man"" i know it's stupid but- *points to my date* bear with me"

"Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? He tried to work it out with a slide rule."

"grey matter What's grey and comes in quarts? An elephant."

"I've been researching marriages TIL: Death does us apart."