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Joke of the Day

"The bad weather kept my friend Edward from going to work today He's Snowden"

"I always wanted to be a plumber when I grew up but in the end it was just a pipe dream."

"Jessica fell out of a tree and broke both her arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Jessica"

"Why is Peter Pan always flying? He neverlands. I like this joke because it never grows old. -I saw this on twitter today and laughed, so I thought I would share."

"What do burgers think when they are surrounded by gherkins? They think they are in a pickle."

"I never close my eyes in the shower because that's how murderers know when to show up and kill you."

"I like my women like I like my bananas. Cold and covered in bruises."

"Why do japanese have small eye slits? because nuclear explosions are so fucking bright. (i'm going to hell for this)"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? One you pay $500 an hour to screw you. The other one has sex for money."

"I have Alzheimer's AMA (Not sure if repost) Yes, this is a x-post from /r/circlejerk, but still a pretty good joke in my opinion."