107142

Joke of the Day

"Found another spider in my bedroom, so now I'm on the curb watching my house burn down."

"""Do you like Tolstoy?"" ""Of course. Who doesn't?"" ""What's your favourite book?"" ""The one where Woody is kidnapped & Buzz tries to save him""."

"You guys ever seen a cockatoo? Yeah? I bet you have."

"I was called a village idiot today which really upset me. I live in a city."

"*Husband buys me flowers* Me: Aw sweet, but don't waste money on things that are going to die. Him: But you keep buying the cat food."

"How much power does a nun have. Nun!"

"PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks."

"Why don't north Koreans listen to funk? Cos they've got no Seoul! Thank you very much."

"Allergies I have allergies to Pollen. I just realized that's plant sperm. Now when people ask ""What are you allergic to?"" and can tell them Plant Spern"

"Did you dream of me, baby? -Are you a swimming pool full of Lucky Charms & milk? No, silly. -Then no."