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Joke of the Day

"When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you would suffice, Not this ""Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house?!"" nonsense."

"You know what the difference is between an chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"What are the ten greatest years of a woman's life? The ones between 39 and 40."

"Sorry I broke your arm when your reached for that last slice of pizza. -Flirting is hard."

"That chinese tattoo on your neck must be the symbol for unemployment."

"Turn up? At my age, I'm just happy when I can turn over."

"I am sure I chose the right song for Richard's funeral Lonely Island - Dick in a Box"

"I thought VH1 was showing an episode of The Golden Girls, but turns out it was an interview with Steven Tyler, David Bowie & Keith Richards."

"What's Rolf Harris' favourite chord? A Minor"

"Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea? A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face."