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Joke of the Day

"When I make you breakfast in bed, a simple thank you would suffice, Not this ""Who the fuck are you, and what are you doing in my house?!"" nonsense."

"You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb."

"How many Freudian analysts does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to change it, and the other to hold the penis. LADDER. I MEANT LADDER!"

"Tried to unlock my door with a banana. How am I still alive?"

"Ok, I'll admit it, my choice of words is sometimes influenced by which ones I think I can spell correctly."

"We used to have a dog with no back legs and steel balls We called him Sparky."

"""911, what's your emergency?"" Me: A cute guy at the laundromat walked past me while I was folding my period underwear."

"I love how Prince Charming is so dumb he doesn't recognize Cinderella without her shoe."

"Did you ever think that one day you would be this addicted to reading and writing?"

"your mamas feet are so scaly you can see crocodile dundy in her foot bath."