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Joke of the Day

"Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So THAT'S where the clitoris is."

"i don't know if that's a burrito in your pocket or if you're happy to see me but at that size i'd be interested in both"

"My father once told me, ""Son, you're not an African't American, You're an African American't."" Just kidding. I'm black. I don't have a father."

"They used to laugh whenever I said I wanted to be a comedian. Well they're not laughing now!"

"Top 3 situations that require witnesses:1) Crimes2) Accidents 3) MarriagesNeed I say more?"

"Jeez make one joke about putting cyanide in someone's food and suddenly they don't want you to cook for them anymore"

"You have to stay in shape. My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is."

"How did Cosby fuck up his phone? He put it on sleep mode"

"Never pee with the door open, it totally freaks out the other motorists."

"When I said that you'd always have a place to stay in rough times, I meant like a motel or a shelter. Anyway ... You can't stay here."