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Joke of the Day
"Life didn't work out, but everything else is not that bad."
Next Joke
"Her: You have a cigarette machine in your kitchen? Me: Well it would look ridiculous in the living room..."
"I workout religiously About once or twice around the holidays"
"They say if you ever get attacked by a shark you should punch it in the nose which is easy cause imagine how composed you would be."
"If I had a dollar for every time someone called me lazy. I would...."
"Did you know 80% of chinese have cataracts? The other 20% drive Rincolns."
"""Did you bring your LIST?"" -Everyone who sees Craig at the supermarket, probably"
"DATE: You hear that an ostrich escaped from the zoo? ME: [from the kitchen] No DATE: Oh. What's for dinner? ME: A suspiciously large chicken"
"The secret to a long life Avoid death"
"i don't know why people think women are weak... well hell pots and pans are heavy"