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Joke of the Day

"119 years ago today a Canadian cargo vessel sank off the coast of New York, her cargo 50,000 cases of mayonnaise. And that's why we celebrate Sinko de Mayo"

"TIL that during WWII 3 U.S. submarines sank due to friendly fire. Whoops, wrong sub."

"Why don't black people get on cruise ships? They're not falling for that again."

"The early bird catches the worm. And the late bird catches one of the other trillion worms left. What's your point?"

"So the Pope came to America and visited Obama and Hillary Clinton... If they don't walk into a bar, I say it was all for nothing."

"Would a charming vampire be a neck-romancer?"

"I walked in on my wife singing the other day. Surprised, I said ""Oh, I thought you were the radio."" Flattered, she asked ""Did you come to listen?"" ""No,"" I replied, ""I came to turn it off."""

"The real heroes are the people who don't call back when you accidentally call them and only let it ring once."

"How to celebrate 4/20 Guide your newborn son into becoming an evil dictator and slaughter most of the Jewish population."

"""Hello, 911"" Hi it's Mickey my dog is hurt bad ""Is it Goofy or Pluto?"" I don't see how- ""Goofy or Pluto?"" Pluto ""Call a vet"" *hangs up*"