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Joke of the Day

"Finally nailed my girlfriend and her twin last night You know how I tell them apart? Her brother has a mustache."

"What do you call Dracula's retarded cousin? Countdown This was a joke I heard on TV some time ago ... Thought it was worth a share."

"How did the investigators discover that a serial killer had dandruff? They found head & shoulders in his bathroom."

"Every time my daughter drinks juice she says ""cheers"" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences."

"I don't always have pre-marital sex... But when I do it's not with my wife."

"Why are there no black characters in clue? Becuase if there were it would be called solved"

"Pretty funny that turtles are always in uniform. It's like lighten up, turtles. The war is over."

"A man asks a trainer in the gym: ""I want 2 impress that beautiful girl , which machine can I use?"" Trainer replies: ""Use the ATM"""

"I bet Thor would lose his shit if he knew how many hammers are at Home Depot."

"What do you call a quadruple amputee trying to swim? Bob. Same guy laying on the floor? Matt. Same guy hanging on the wall? Art. Same guy in a mailbox? Bill."