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Joke of the Day

"The problem with the world is that the intelligent people are full of doubts while the stupid ones are full of confidence."

"Me: Honey, are you awake? [wife rustles] Hmmm? Me: When we were fighting & you said ""Wolverine's powers suck,"" did you really mean that"

"A kiss will make her day But anal will make her hole weak"

"You know what the difference between ""Pay to Win"" and ""Play to Win"" is? L. Which stands for ""Lots of Money""."

"How do you know when a Jewish chef is done cooking? You check the oven."

"Roommate: hey blake I just bought this whiskey wanna explain why it's half empty? Me: cause you're a pessimist!"

"I've waited long to say this. I think we should all gift watches to the folks at /r/trees. It's high time."

"sir do u know why I pulled u over? ""actually yes officer I do, im a psychic. but DO YOU know why you'll beat me with your club in 1 minute"""

"What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend? About 35 pounds"

"I used to work at a public swimming pool But I got fired because every time I saw an Islamic family I pointed to the no bombing sighn"