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Joke of the Day

"Never forget. Never forget that Americans can't even get the date the right way around. Sincerely the rest of the world on 9/11."

"Why was the Shire so shocked when Bilbo threw himself and Sam into Mt. Doom? They were the first citizens they ever lost to a Mordor-suicide like that."

"What is French Super Mario's favorite board game? Le Ouija"

"5yo after licking my face: ""Sorry. My mouth meant to kiss you but my brain told me to lick you."""

"Watson returns from work one day... and finds Sherlock in bed with a very young girl. ""Christ, Sherlock! How old is this girl?"" ""Elementary, my dear Watson."""

"""MEN, WE ARE AT WAR WITH THE GREEKS & MUST NOT DROP OUR GUARD AT ALL"" ""Sir, the enemy gave us a giant wooden horse"" ""Oh rad bring it in"""

"I'm the guy who asks for extra ketchup, notices he didn't get the extra ketchup, and says nothing further."

"Sometimes I'll just go ""liking"" some shit on the Internet and I honestly don't even know if I really mean it."

"What's the difference between a bird and a fly? A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird."

"There is nothing louder than a party across the street that you weren't invited to."