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Joke of the Day

"Walked into Olive Garden, yelled ""I WISH I'D NEVER BEEN BORN,"" then stormed out & slammed the door because when you're there, you're family."

"White jokes are not funny... unless they target a specific nationality"

"""Kindly let me help you or you will drown,""... ...said the monkey putting the fish safely up a tree."

"""Lethal Weapon"" is my favorite movie about how to fix a dislocated shoulder."

"Julius Caesar sashays into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says ""Five beers, please!"""

"Self-control (n.): Charlize Theron keeping a straight face on when the mirror tells her Kristen Stewart is prettier than she is."

"Apologies to my forehead for assuming that automatic doors will just ""open."""

"Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Nevermind, I just boiled the egg."

"People in glass houses Should go to the bathroom in the basement."

"You know what I say to people with low fiber diets. Tough shit"