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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale."

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"Meets girl at bar. Takes her to Ikea. Quickly learns the difference between one-night stand and one nightstand."
"How many koalas does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only one, given that he's koali-fied for the job."
"My grandma got her bathroom redone with this sparkly gold-specked tile and she just called it her ""golden shower"" so goodnight."
"I sold my old bike the other day. I decided it was time to peddle it."
"Two Thai girls offered me a threesome. It was like winning the lottery. When we stripped off we had six matching balls."
"Chris Christie is so fat, he plans on walking for president."
"Heisenberg is driving down the highway and gets pulled over by a cop... Cops says, ""Do you have any idea how fast you were going."" Heisenberg says, ""No, but I know exactly where I am."""
"Why doesn't Santa have any children? He only comes once a year and it's down a chimney."
"How many people does it take to screw a lightbulb? Just one guy with a really weird fetish."