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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I Think Of Books I touch my shelf."

"I wore Pirates of the Caribbean pajama pants to the gym and ran backwards on the treadmill because I want a nickname there."

"I was nearly crushed under a huge pile of bread. I was in so much pain."

"Twiter helps me keep my finger on the pulse of what today's youth is jazzing & vibing to. #hip #relevant"

"I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, surely it's not dangerous. He said it was distracting him."

"Men are simple things. They can survive a whole weekend with only three things: beer, boxer shorts and batteries for the remote control."

"I don't have a racist bone in my body. But my cartilage does not care for Mexicans."

"Why did the doctor toss his patient down a well? He tried to kill them."

"How did Helen Keller discover masturbation? She tried to read her own lips."

"Aliens: ""Take us to your leader"" ""No"" ""What"" ""Look we've made some mistakes"" ""Just take..."" ""It's been a weird year, half of us are morons"""