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Joke of the Day

"My grocery store keeps rearranging the produce section. If I need to work this hard to find bananas, there better be a damn tropical breeze!"

"A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, ""I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."""

"There are two types of people in this world.... Those who are intelligent, And those who believe there are 12 types of people in this world."

"We all know Elton John is amazing on the paino.. But did you know that he sucks on the organ?"

"Just itched my crotch while trying to swat a fly and four people told me I was a good dancer."

"Honey, there are broken condoms on the couch Dear, we've talked about this- call the children by their names"

"I got my IQ test results back They were negative."

"Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing."

"If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality"

"It's adorable how I write ""beer"" on my shopping list like I'd somehow forget."