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Joke of the Day

"My grocery store keeps rearranging the produce section. If I need to work this hard to find bananas, there better be a damn tropical breeze!"

Next Joke
 
"A dog walks into a bar ""I'll have one ... beer."" Bartender replies ""Why the pause?"" Dog says ""Because I was born with them, asshole."""
"Not tryin to impress anyone BUT the priest did just say I had the ""body of Christ"" right before he fed me a cracker. Gym has been paying off"
"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because netizens were showing shallow sympathy for #YulinDogMeatFestival on the other side."
"There is a huge spider in my kitchen so I will be tweeting from on top of this table for whatever the life span of this species is."
"I walked past an electronics store once... I saw a TV for sale in the window. The sticker said, ""TV for sale, volume stuck on full, $1"" I thought to myself, ""Wow. I can't turn that down."""
"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your dick up a girls ass."
"Sometimes I get flustered by waitresses and I say things like ""Abso-fruit-ly!"" and they laugh like I'm so clever but we both know"
"I came all the way from New York.... and boy are my hands tired"
"Apparently the maximum number of times you can keep getting back in line for Communion wafers is 4."