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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the little guy compelled to clap in time whenever he was on the Paris underground? He was a Metro gnome."

"What if sun screen is really just a seasoning rub created by aliens."

"My sister would make a great politician... ...she avoids directly answering questions and always leads the blame to someone else, whether she has proof or not."

"How can you tell if someone's a Vegan? Don't worry... they'll tell you."

"They called themselves geologists because stoners was already taken."

"[Storm into Octopus Boss' office] I want a raise or I quit! [Octopus Boss is almost done camouflaging against the fern] NOT THIS TIME"

"Satan's not all bad. He's an equal opportunity employer."

"What brand of underwear do zombies wear? Haaaaaannnnnneeeeeessssss"

"If there's one thing that I've learned it's, that I should have learned way more than one thing."

"If Jesus could walk on water and cucumbers are 96% water and I can walk on cucumbers does that mean the other 4% accounts for Jesus's dick?"