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Joke of the Day

"Nomenclature is important when courting a lady. For example, ""feminine scent"" and ""feminine odor"" are perceived differently. You're welcome."

"Sir, your frog is illegally parked, move it imediately or it will be toad."

"Asked a girl what I had to do to get her, she said, ""GET LOST!"" So I stared... Realising she wasn't saying more, I asked, ""which season?"""

"At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die."

"What's the difference between a Donald Trump and Ellen Pao? Edit: Trump can ruin a business right."

"Today I don't feel like doing anything. Except you"

"What do they call American Liberty in Israel? A valid target."

"a 3-way standoff between a duck with a laser pointer, a cat with a vacuum cleaner, and a dog with a loaf of bread"

"Did you know Helen Keller had a dog? Neither did she. Do you know what her dogs name was? (insert Wookie noise) Do you know why her dog ran away? You would to if your name was (insert Wookie noise)."

"If thieves ever broke into my house, searching for money... ...I'd just laugh and search with them."