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Joke of the Day

"What do you say to piss off a british farmer? You're a peon."

"Where does Optimus Prime go for cosmetic repairs? To the autobotty shop!"

"What's the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer? one can wash their crack and re-sell it!"

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 2, but its really hard to get them inside the bulb."

"I removed my windshield wipers and now I don't get parking tickets. Suck it."

"A man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide......... Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?"

"Shadow dancers begin making a mock hanging motion to Katy Perry's singing"

"I can't imagine how stressed Americans are feeling right now. I'm Canadian and I'm chugging maple syrup and just punched a moose."

"What should you do with your sick pig? make it into cured bacon"

"You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?"