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Joke of the Day

"I want my marriage to be a forever one night stand, laughing and joking, beer drinking, dancing, pizza in bed kinda relationship."

"I like my women like I like my whisky. 12 years old and mixed up with coke."

"*sips some coffee & interrupts break room conversation* ""Technically we're all under the weather today unless you're an astronaut in orbit"""

"Listen buddy, I don't know why I'm doing karate in your bedroom either, sometimes things happen"

"What do you call a bad riddle? Voldemort"

"""My date took me to a nice restaurant. Our server leaned in to me and said, ""You're the third one this week"""

"Joke for any location... I was at a ""place of religion or race"" the other day going through some magazines... ... I was perfectly happy till my rifle jammed."

"You are what you think you are Her: What do you do? Me: Global prosthetics distribution. Her: So you're an artificial limb salesman? Me: I prefer international arms dealer'."

"First take an ass and put another ass behind it. Then I come. Then the whole nation comes after me.... That is how you spell assassination"

"I love the word ""Allegedly"". You can make up anything about anyone without any reprisal... allegedly."