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Joke of the Day

"A duck walks into a pharmacy grabs a tube of lipstick, puts it on the counter and the cashier says ""that'll be $3.50. The duck says ""just put it on my bill"""

"My ex just sneezed and I accidentally said ""bless you"" now she just staring at the bushes confused wondering who said that"

"Judge: You stated that the stairs went down to the basement is that correct? A: Yes. Judge: And these same stairs did the also go up?"

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a plane crash, who survives? No one, the was a major gas leak, and someone lit a match, and the plane exploded, killing everyone inside."

"What did the sergeant say to the corporal? I need to see your privates."

"What sexual position do you use to make an ugly baby? Go ask your mom"

"Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calendar? They each got six months"

"1. Loan someone a pocket knife. 2. Take it back by wrapping it in a rag. 3. Explain you need a knife with someone else's prints on it."

"You agree to sound convincing when you lie about changing and I agree to believe you. Formalities over, let's get this relationship started."

"What do you call a canadian enchilada? A centimeter-alada"