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Joke of the Day

"Only 2 phrases can change a woman's mood: ""I Love You"" and ""50% Off""."

"Bird pokemon must live in mexico because today a local pointed at me and said pinche joto. (The j has an h sound dummy)"

"I wrote an essay about American Patriotism Then I pointed at it and started shouting ' You Essay! You Essay!'"

"Hello, Mr. Bond. *shuffles UNO cards* I've been expecting you. *sinks into bean bag chair*"

"Nephew just whispered something into a Cadbury Easter Bunny's ears then broke off its head. I'm sleeping with the lights on."

"Didn't have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 15 books and showered."

"What did one volcano call the other volcano? An Ash-hole."

"The tongue twister... The wife asks her husband: -Hey, do you know any tongue twisters? -Yes, penis. -Penis? thats not a tongue twisfhndnfasdfnghfgh"

"Hey can I call you back in like 6 weeks?"

"a thing I like about Nintendo is it's often possible to enjoy one of their games in its entirety without murdering anybody"