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Joke of the Day

"I'd never be on a reality show, but only because I wouldn't want my mom to see the faces I make when I'm talking to her on the phone."

"Royal flushes aren't very common. The Queen's homes must stink."

"Crossing guards get mad when you call them what they really are... Human Traffic-ers."

"How are having sex in a canoe and American beer alike? They're both fuckin' close to water"

"When someone loves you a lot they will buy you a burrito even when you're not hungry so you can get fat and no one else will love you."

"So I checked into a nihilist hotel, and asked for turndown service. The clerk at the reception looked at me wearily and responded: ""Turndown? What for?"""

"If I could make the ultimate scary animal, I'd make it hybrid with the head of a bear, bear claws, and the body of a bear."

"Thats is how i outsmart him :P My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face."

"Two guys talking ""Tell me , have you ever been awakened by a blowjob?"" ""No ,i always sleep with my mouth shut."""

"Disguise a mini-recorder as a walkie-talkie and play this at high volume: ""DO YOU COPY? IT'S A BEAR WITH HUMAN HANDS! A BEAR WITH--[static]"""