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Joke of the Day

"Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt."

"The death of Dumbledore helped me process the emotions I felt after losing my grandfather, who was also a well-respected homosexual wizard."

"How many hairs are in a dog's tail? None. They are all on the outside."

"LPT: Always bring a deck of cards with you when you go hiking Joke: If you get lost, play some Solitaire. Soon enough someone will be around to tell you how to play your own damn cards!"

"You're mother is so stupid... ... She threw water on the computer to put out a flame war!"

"No, I don't want to hang out at your house. Your pot to snacks ratio is all off."

"What is the difference between a wife and a mistress? The mistress says ""Oh darling! That was *wonderful*!"" The wife says ""Beige. I think we'll paint the ceiling beige."""

"Secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures."

"IPhone and Macbook users."

"Yesterday I had to buy a new hoover. My old one was just gathering dust."