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Joke of the Day

"Divorces should just be reverse weddings where you get pushed out of a church while your friends steal appliances from your home."

"*Goes to bathroom *Reaches down to unzip *Discovers pants have been unzipped for the last 4 hours *Starts wearing underwear"

"What do you call a lesbian Eskimo? A Klondike."

"Why don't prawns give to charity? Because they're shellfish."

"A friend of mine tried to annoy me with bird puns, but ... I soon realized that toucan play at that game."

"Untied the bun in my hair & tried that sexy hair shake thing that chicks do on tv. Doc says the neck brace can come off in a week."

"Q: Why is it good that accordionists have a half-ounce more brains than horses? A: So they don't disgrace themselves in parades."

"My dad drowned while at work in a vat of cake mix I know it sounds unlikely but there were some very strong currants"

"My girlfriend is a lot like fast food I only come inside about once a year"

"Just saw a large group of 20 yr olds saying a blessing before eating. Then I realized they were all just looking at their phones."