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Joke of the Day

"[Friend] Kyle, u have to stop referring to your Ballet Club as a ""gang"" [Me & my gang all do 2 pirouettes and stop in unison] ""Not a chance"""

"Buy followers? No thanks. I'm married so I spend enough money on people I don't talk to"

"Why did Kelly fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock Knock? Who's there? ....Not Kelly."

"Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it."

"Real friends don't get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive."

"No, I don't want to hang out at your house. Your pot to snacks ratio is all off."

"How did the hipster burn himself? He drank his coffee before it was cool."

"Why doesn't Santa have to pay for parking? Because it's on the house."

"Told a homeless guy sorry I was saving to buy a house. He got mad and threw his cup of change at me, so now I'm... $3.75 closer to my dream!"

"Two chemists walk into a bar... The first one said ""I want some H2O please"".The other chemist said ""I'd like some H2O too"".Then he died."