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Joke of the Day

"I never understood how a mother could lift a car with a child trapped under, until my phone got stuck under my bed."

"The first gay couple has married in Ireland. Please send best regards to Gerald Fitzpatrick who wedded Patrick Fitzgerald."

"NSFW Your dick's like Mt. Everest It's hard to get up."

"What do you call a vagina that talks back to you? An answering cervix"

"Adam says to Eve... ""I wear the plants in this relationship!"""

"A black kid comes home from elementary school one day... And says, ""hey mom, I've got the biggest dick in the third grade! Is that cause I'm black?"" She says ""no Tyrone, it's cause you're nineteen"""

"[at aquarium] That's a lot of octopussys to have in a tank. ""Octopi"" Oh sorry...that's a lot of octopussys to occupy a tank."

"A man walks into a bar, looks at the bartender and says...... please fill in a punch line"

"(Don't let her know you can't read) Yes I'll have this *points to menu* -So you want the gratuity of 15% added to parties of 8 or more? Shit"

"I once attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt... I'll admit it was a waist of time."