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Joke of the Day

"step 1. log onto instagram step 2. find wedding day hashtags, ex. ""SmithWedding2014"" step 3. use hashtag step 4. post pictures of yaks"

"Bert and Ernie are at the beach on a hot summer's afternoon... Bert pulls out his cooler and opens it up. ""Do you want some ice cream, Ernie?"" ""Sure Bert."""

"One time I got so nervous when a guy took off his pants in front of me I said ""friggity diggity"" please do not rt"

"Women are just like an oven before you stick any cake batter in them, you have to preheat."

"England can't win anything. Brazil took away their top spot of Most Embarrassing team."

"What's white and in the men's 100M final? The lines."

"Camo couch? what is the hardest part about owning a couch that is upholstered in camouflage? Not knowing where to sit every time"

"My ex girlfriend really wanted me to pee on her but it was weird for me so I just called 911"

"7 years ago to this day, I swallowed my gum and broke a mirror, so as you might imagine, this is a pretty big day for me."

"Sometimes I do things to children that they're too young to understand... ...such as teaching them calculus and microbiology."